Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
