Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
