did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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