Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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