Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
