i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
