Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
