I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
