Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
