She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
