new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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