You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
