It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish you could order shots online.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
