all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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