All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
