Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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