it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
