OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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