Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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