Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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