Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
