You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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