I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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