The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
