my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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