I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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