i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
