I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's the barista slut.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
