so that wasnt chicken after all
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
