Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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