Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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