Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
