Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
