Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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