my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
