So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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