you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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