i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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