Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
