peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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