she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
