fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
