New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
