We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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