im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
