Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
