he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
