is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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