No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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