At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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