It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
