Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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