obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
