I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
