theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
worst night to have a conscience
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
