According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
