Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
