I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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